I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He shit in the fireplace
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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