I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
