the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
