I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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