I could have mohawked her pubes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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