I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
