When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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