I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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