coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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