would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
