He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
