Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
