I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
