Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
