Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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