those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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