omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
