So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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