Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
