Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
