I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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