he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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