Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize