dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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