New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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