At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
