I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
