i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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