To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
