Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
