So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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