I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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