you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
