I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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