Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
