I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
