She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
