Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
