Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
