nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
being pregnant is like rehab
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
