apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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