she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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