Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
please come you make the beer taste better
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
