So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
