Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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