I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
