i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
These tits shall not be calmed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
