I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just pee around me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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