I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize