He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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