i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
