My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
