if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
