He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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