So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
