3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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