Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
