I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
