Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
