shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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