No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just found a bag of teeth...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
