I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
