I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
