R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
