it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
