can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
