Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
