I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
