I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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