I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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