I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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