I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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