I hate your face
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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