he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize