so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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