you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Welp...herpes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
