we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
