you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
